indulge or ignore?

we all have problems. some of them are significant, others are not. and while most of us are self-absorbed enough to think that even the pettiest of our problems are truly significant, there are times where our “problems”, though seemingly (to us) of life and death importance, are truly nothing but petty and negligible issues that we should not take so seriously.

but at times, we just can’t help it. after all, the seriousness of one’s own problems is relative, right? it’s easy to see someone else’s problems as less important compared to your own, but depending on that person, their problem may actually be of great significance…to them. just because you don’t find something important, does not mean that someone else won’t. we are all entitled to our own opinions.

of course, there are the general, objective issues that we would all agree to be serious problems (poverty, abuse, war, death, life-threatening illness, etc.) and when we look at our own problems in light of the world’s greater, more tragic circumstances- problems that actually matter and take a lot of effort to deal with – suddenly, our issues don’t seem so great.

therefore, it is then that we must decide what to do about our problems, as well as the problems of others. we all have had one person in our lives that comes to us – constantly and incessantly – dramatically spewing out his/her huge, massive, horrible predicaments that, to them, are of the utmost importance. at times, it is somewhat reasonable to indulge these individuals. everyone can benefit from a good listener and a shoulder to cry on.

but when does this indulgence become detrimental to that person’s well being?

in some cases, it is best to ignore the petty problems that this person may bring up. to take it a step further, it is also helpful to that person to explain to them why you are no longer going to indulge their pity parties because you know it will not benefit them in the long run if you continue to do so. tell them to get some perspective and realize their lives really aren’t that awful as they may think they are.

and of course, there is no better person to point the finger at than myself. i know that i am often guilty of this behavior, expecting indulgence for my petty problems – but fortunately, i have been blessed with honest, firm, caring friends who are willing to ignore and resist indulging my problems, because they know that fueling that fire will just add to the unhealthy behavior itself.

what it all comes down to is perspective. getting perspective is one of the most beneficial things to do when struggling with any minor (or even major) crisis. and not only can we get perspective for ourselves, but we can do our part to help others get perspective when they seem to be having trouble getting it themselves.

apparently, i’m an extremist…

so, i’ve finally come to the realization over the last few weeks that i am, in fact, an extremist.

i dont have middle of the road opinions (usually). i either love it or hate it. i dont kinda like something or kinda not like something. i love it. or hate it. it’s that simple.

and i’m not sure if this is always a good thing – i guess at times, it can be quite a close minded way of thinking. but it’s who i am. it’s how i think. it’s how i view the world.

maybe it has to do with the fact that i’m overdramatic at times, or perhaps, somewhat exaggerative. so maybe, while i may seem extreme to others, i may just be embellishing my opinion a bit.

or maybe, it all comes down to the fact that im a passionate person. i feel very strongly about things – most things. there are of course things that i really could not care less about, and therefore, will not have an opinion about them – included in these things are politics, sports, and of course, the stock market. these are also things that, most of the time, i do not understand, therefore forming any opinion would be fruitless and inaccurate.

so, i guess the point im trying to get at, is – is being an extremist really all that bad? i mean, i would not consider myself a close minded person – im open to many beliefs and ideas. i dont let my strong opinions keep me from listening to someone else or accepting them for who they are. but i know what i like and i know how i feel. is that really so awful?

im not exactly sure of the answer – all i know is that i am who i am – and apparently, i am an extremist.

the grass is always greener…or is it?

there’s always one thing – that ONE thing – that we convince ourselves, if we had it – we would finally be happy. everything would fall into place. our lives would be complete. we’d have what we’d been waiting to have for so long…

i find it somewhat fascinating (and also annoying…) that no matter how many times i convince myself that no one thing can satisfy me, i still end up chasing after one thing/person/place/etc., still hoping that maybe, it will fully satisfy.

but i’m not going to go into a cheesy sermon about how “only Jesus can satisfy” and “God is all you need in life”, although i do find those things to be true; i do know that He is the only solution and the only answer. however, i will still find myself chasing after frivolous things to try and fulfill some void in my life, because, well – im human. im sinful. i think i know what’s best for me (even though i don’t). and i still get off track sometimes. but ultimately, yes, i do know the truth – the truth that only He can satisfy.

i guess what bothers me more is how this desire, this chase i go on to pursue “the next best thing”, the ONE thing that i think will make me happy – what bothers me about it is the person it can turn me into.

” What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.”

~James 4:1-4

lately, whenever i think about all of the things im pursuing, all of the desires i have, and their too often fleeting and pointless nature, i am reminded of this verse – because, not only am i hurting myself when i go after the things that wont satisfy, but more importantly, im hurting others.

and that’s not good. not at all. is it really worth it? to hurt others, in any way, to get what we want? to get what we think we are so worthy and deserving of?

i believe that one of our greatest problems in this world is our selfishness – our never ending desire to make ourselves happy, at the expense of any one else. it is our “me-focused” society that tells us this is ok. everyday we are affirmed in our selfishness. countless messages and agendas encourage us to pursue a life of selfish, unending indulgence.

and where has that gotten us? we are one of the most rich and unhappy countries in the world. we are depressed, overweight, insecure, sad, angry, bitter, rude, and inconsiderate of others. we are “rich”, but by no means satisfied.

it’s sad that it has come to this, isn’t it?

what i need to remember, more than anything – is not just that the grass is always greener on the other side and i should be content with the many things i do have – but i need to remember that putting other people second to the ending pursuit of frivolous things is never acceptable or beneficial. and it’s certainly not going to make this world any better. and it’s not going to make be a better person, either. not one bit.

what is worth more? day after day, we must be reminded – it’s not the new car, the promotion at work, the bigger house, the nicer clothes, the high tech electronics, the exotic vacation – at the end of the day, what really matters to you? what are you willing to fight for? what makes life worth living? what would you give your life for?

“our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” – martin luther king, jr.

we are only as sick as our secrets

“When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.

For day and night
your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was sapped
as in the heat of summer.
Selah

Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess
my transgressions to the LORD “—
and you forgave
the guilt of my sin.”

Psalm 32:3-5

“He who is alone with his sin is utterly alone. It may be that Christians, not withstanding corporate worship, common prayer, and all their fellowship in service, may still be left to their loneliness. The final breakthrough to fellowship does not occur, because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, the do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So everyone must conceal his sin from himself and from the fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a regal sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy. The fact is that we are sinners!”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”

James 5:16

admit it. face it. own up to it. confess it. pray. move on. be changed. be healed.

to the cynics

“Cynicism may seem an intelligent position, given the hypocrisy and stupidity of many human endeavors. Cynics often pride themselves on their greater insight into human nature and society, fancying that they see through sham and pretensions that fool everyone else. Ultimately, however, cynicism is both foolish and cowardly itself. It is foolish because it underestimates the God-given human potential for finding and creating meaning in life, and it is cowardly because it is afraid to risk anything in the human adventure. The cynical spirit insists on certainty before it will affirm and, lacking that, retreats into the false security of denial.”

-Daniel Taylor 

purge, purge, purge.

one of my greatest weaknesses is my inability to organize. i also keep things – lots of things, things that are considered junk and should not be kept. (i blame my father for this wonderful habit.) and every few months or so, i notice the build up of unncessary items and do my best to go through and throw things away. but as usual, i end up saving the same things, thinking i’ll use them later or that i’ll need them in the future – and of course, i never do. so, the same useless junk stays in my room, until the next time i go through it all and attempt to get rid of it. this is also a task that i often put off. i always say “ok, this weekend i’ll clean” and usually, it gets put off, and put off, and put off, repeatedly – until the build up gets too bad to live with. so then, i finally force myself to deal with it.

yesterday, as i attempted to purge my room for the first time this year, i couldn’t help but parallel this habit to one that i has become part of my spiritual life. there is so much junk – so much build up – so many bad habits, sins, problems, etc. that i always think “oh, ill get to that later…” or “i’ll work on that eventually…”, but, like the build up of stuff in my personal space (room, desk at work, etc.) i never do. i try to deal with it, and usually, i fail. and thus, i end up making the same mistakes, saying the same hurtful things, repeating the same sinful behaviors, hurting the same people, again and again and again.

so i think it’s time to purge my life – not just my tangible things, not just the junk i can physically see every day – but the deeper issues. the ugly sides of my personality and thoughts, the things i don’t want to expose, but have to, in order to deal with them.

and just like cleaning my room, this is a task that i approach heavily, but ultimately, i always feel better after it’s done.

i know, i know – but how?

“The prophet Jeremiah refers to looking for satisfaction in all the wrong places as digging empty wells that have no water in them (see Jer. 2:13). The answer to my constant frustration came when I received the revelation that my satisfaction had to be in Christ Jesus. I came to know what a privilege it was to live under His guidance, trusting that He would never fail me, nor forsake me.

When Paul said he had learned to be content, he was saying that even if he did not particularly like the situation in which he found himself, he still trusted God. Therefore, his trust kept him in perfect peace. When our mind is stayed on the Lord, we are content and peaceful.

Trusting God and refusing to complain in hard times greatly honors Him. It is of no value to talk of how much we trust God when all is well. But when the test comes, then we should say and sincerely mean, ‘I trust you Lord.’ He delights in a contented child. When we stop struggling with everything and humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God, He promises to exalt us.

God is waiting to bless you, but you must close destructive doors of discontentment through gratitude and thanksgiving. He always knows what He is doing. Don’t wait until everything is perfect before you decide to enjoy your everyday life.”

-Joyce Meyer

the thing is this – i know that finding contentment in Christ is the right thing. the only thing. the solution. the most satisfying way to live. i know this – and i have known it for some time now.

but the problem i face is actually living it.

i can repeat the words over and over -but when it comes to doing what i say and living what i believe, then do i follow through? nope. not lately, at least.

and that’s frustrating to me. ridiculously frustrating.

i realize there is no formula, no neat equation or solution, as to how we are to live and how to be content and how to rely on God for everything, etc.

but sometimes..i wish there was.

one thing.

In a podcast I listened to this morning, Rob Bell from Mars Hill Church brings up this passage about Mary and Martha. I’ve heard this passage so many times in sermons, but what Rob said about it really hit home with me today. Maybe it’s because lately, I can all too well relate to Martha…

“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

 So here is Martha , so frazzled, and anxious, and concerned, and annoyed – basically, her life is out of control. She’s worrying about the wrong things and she’s worrying period, which in and of itself, is a problem.  Her focus is not where it should be – because she’s letting all the other things, all the other junk in her life, blur her vision of what is true and what is necessary.

 Only one thing is needed. ONE thing. If I realized that, wouldn’t I be less concerned about the small things and even the bigger things? Wouldn’t the little details and problems and dramas that often get the best of me just fade into the background?

 A good friend reminded me of a simple truth yesterday – “Your joy must be found in Christ and Christ alone.”

So much easier said than done…but still, it is the truth – the one thing that is needed.

 

looking ahead

In light of the new year, I want to share these quotes, because they are a good reminder not to take life for granted. They come from a short book by Anna Quindlen called “A Short Guide to a Happy Life.”

“Keep still. Be present.”

“Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you.
And remember that love is not leisure, it is work.”

“Get a life in which you are generous. Look around at azaleas making fuschia star bursts in spring; look at a full moon hanging silver in a black sky on a cold night. And realize that life is glorious, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take the money you would have spent on beers in a bar and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Tutor a seventh grader.”

“All of us want to do well.
But if we do not do good,
then doing well will never be enough.”

“Life is made up of moments, small pieces of glittering mica in a long stretch of gray cement. It would be wonderful if they came to us unsummoned, but particularly in lives as busy as the ones most of us lead now, that won’t happen. We have to teach ourselves how to make room for them, to love them, and to live, really live.”

“I learned to love the journey and not the destination. I learned that this is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get.”

Regardless of what happened last year, forget all your regrets, the moments you wish never happened, and instead dwell on the good things that made your life full and whole in 2007. And now, look forward to a new year, a time of new beginnings; not necessarily a chance to start over, but a chance to make new moments that mean something and that make your life even fuller than it was before.

happy new year.