a lack of focus.

lately, i’ve had trouble focusing my thoughts, which makes it quite difficult for me to write a blog, since i can’t narrow down my topics to just one. and i hate posting blogs that are scattered and stream-of-conciousness, because they’re really only entertaining for me, and just annoying for other people to read.

so let’s go back to the topic of black and white – i visited this topic before, a few months ago, on my myspace blog. essentially, i find myself to be an extremist. not all the time but quite often. my cousin teases me because she always hears me say “i hate that, i would NEVER do it.” and then a few days/weeks/months later – i’m doing the exact thing that i criticized.

i’m not sure what to blame this on – perhaps the fact that i often live my life quite haphazardly, although not completely recklessly. or maybe, i get bored so easily with doing the norm that i start doing things i said i would never do, just for the sake of keeping life interesting.

another friend earlier this year, when talking with me about relationships, challenged me to start seeing things as less rigid, less black and white. i need to start seeing the colors in life – meaning, i need to not limit myself to one extreme or the other; after all, where’s the fun in that?

certainly, life is sometimes black and white – right or wrong, this way or that way, yes or no – but sometimes, life is not so neat and organized. it’s messy, yes. but it can also be a beautiful mess. one that’s full of colors, splattered all over the place, with no particular pattern or order – but somehow, it all comes together and morphs into an amazing masterpiece that we can step back from and look at with admiration and wonder.

so i’m trying – to be less extreme, to never say never, to see the colors. i’m trying.

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