one of my greatest weaknesses is my inability to organize. i also keep things – lots of things, things that are considered junk and should not be kept. (i blame my father for this wonderful habit.) and every few months or so, i notice the build up of unncessary items and do my best to go through and throw things away. but as usual, i end up saving the same things, thinking i’ll use them later or that i’ll need them in the future – and of course, i never do. so, the same useless junk stays in my room, until the next time i go through it all and attempt to get rid of it. this is also a task that i often put off. i always say “ok, this weekend i’ll clean” and usually, it gets put off, and put off, and put off, repeatedly – until the build up gets too bad to live with. so then, i finally force myself to deal with it.
yesterday, as i attempted to purge my room for the first time this year, i couldn’t help but parallel this habit to one that i has become part of my spiritual life. there is so much junk – so much build up – so many bad habits, sins, problems, etc. that i always think “oh, ill get to that later…” or “i’ll work on that eventually…”, but, like the build up of stuff in my personal space (room, desk at work, etc.) i never do. i try to deal with it, and usually, i fail. and thus, i end up making the same mistakes, saying the same hurtful things, repeating the same sinful behaviors, hurting the same people, again and again and again.
so i think it’s time to purge my life – not just my tangible things, not just the junk i can physically see every day – but the deeper issues. the ugly sides of my personality and thoughts, the things i don’t want to expose, but have to, in order to deal with them.
and just like cleaning my room, this is a task that i approach heavily, but ultimately, i always feel better after it’s done.