As 2012 comes to a close

I am a bad blogger. It’s true. There are so many times over the past year that I wanted to blog about my weight loss, my life, my goals, my thoughts, etc…and then, I didn’t. And I am ok with that.

But something about the end of a year and the start of a new one makes you want to put pen to paper (so to speak) and start reflecting on your life as of late.

So, for a quick recap, here’s some of the things I’ve wanted to blog about (but didn’t) since my last post.

After losing 30lbs for my wedding in 2010, I was ready to enter into maintenance, as I was pretty content with my current weight. However, the weight slowly started to creep back on, and with a little urging from my gym’s manager (now my personal trainer) and seeing myself in a friend’s wedding pictures, I was ready to lose some more weight. The initial goal was 10 lbs. I lost 20. I was definitely thrilled with the results and even more happy with how strong and toned I had become. I ate right as often as I could, I worked with a trainer once a week to learn new routines, I took classes at the gym so I didn’t get bored, I tracked my results to stay on track, etc. So, as of December of 2011, my weight was probably the lowest it has ever been in my adult years. I did a decent job keeping it off, but I noticed some of it gradually coming back (about 5-10 lbs, give or take); this made me a bit anxious, but I was reminded by my trainer that it’s not healthy to stress about your weight, because that will make it even harder to lose weight and you may continue to gain. At this point in my life, I can say I am very close to fully accepting how I look, how much I weigh, and how I may have a little extra around my midsection. My goal in 2013, and my overall lifelong goal, is to remember that being healthy and fit is far more important than having a flat stomach and very little body fat. I am curvy and always will be. I will never be stick skinny. And it feels good to finally be able to embrace my body and be thankful for how healthy it is. I am thankful for that. And no matter what my jean size, that is truly all that matters.

*If you have more questions about my weight loss journey, I am happy to answer them! Just message me or leave a comment

In August of 2012 I dealt with back pain that started in my lower back and then spread to my upper back, right hip, and down my right leg. It kept me from going in to the office, going to the gym, attending activities that required me to sit for periods of time, and generally just made me feel like I couldn’t live my life the way I used to. It was a difficult time for me – after x-rays, an MRI, doctor visits, chiropractic care, and physical therapy, I still felt stuck – nothing was working and nothing really appeared to be wrong with me. After my last PT session (btw, I love my physical therapist and would highly recommend her – she helped me in many ways; if you need a physical therapist, let me know), I came home and laid on the couch (in pain of course, because the only thing not causing me pain was standing and walking around), and I began googling the experiences of others, desperately trying to find some sort of solution. After much browsing, I came across the PDF of a book called Healing Back Pain  by Dr. John E. Sarno. In short, the book is basically about how the pain is all in your head (there is more to it than that, but that is the gist). Sounds crazy, right? Well, I thought the same thing. Then I read it. And it made SO much sense to me and my situation. I know it may not apply to everyone, but I encourage you, if you’ve ever dealt with any sort of body pain that does not seem to be caused by a structural issue (my MRI did not indicate any sort of serious structural problem), then read this book. It’s free, and you can download it on your iPad or eReader. I read it in about two days. Once I applied the principles I learned in this book, I started seeing improvement in just a few days. I do still deal with the pain some days, but overall, I am much better than I was. I am back to sitting normally, going to the gym and working out as I used to, and resuming my other activities as usual. I am confident that God works in mysterious ways, and I do believe He led me to this book – I believe He has used this book to help me see the true underlying issue that was/is causing my pain.

*If you do decide to read this book, let me know what you think – I am eager to have a conversation with someone else about it and see how their experience compares to mine.

In 2012, our church lost a dear man. Roscoe Adams died suddenly in April and it was such a tragic loss. It was, and still is, hard to understand why he was taken from us; he was in his 60s, but in good health, and the cause of his death still remains somewhat unknown. Roscoe was a gem – the type of person you only meet once in your life. I was inspired and encouraged by such a godly man. He is so greatly missed, and I pray that in 2013 and for the rest of my life, I do not forget the amazing things he taught me in the few years that I knew him.

[Here is a great post my pastor wrote about our dear Roscoe.]

When you lose someone, or when you experience great tragedy, it really puts life in perspective, doesn’t it? It makes you think twice about the things you stress about – your weight, your looks, having nice things, keeping up appearances, making lots of money, driving a nice car, having a big house etc. We worry about so many things that don’t matter, don’t we? As Americans, we have the luxury to stress about the pettiest of things. And in our present world of Facebook, Pinterest, fancy blogs, etc, we are so quick to compare our lives to others and become discouraged because we think we don’t measure up. The day to day life can get bogged down with stressors and worries that take a toll; then, something tragic and life shattering happens (Hurricane Sandy, Sandy Hook shooting, Aurora shooting, serious illness, loss of a loved one…), and we are brought to our knees, realizing that the things we thought mattered don’t actually make that big of a difference. People are what matter. Things are just…things. We can’t take them with us and they aren’t worth stressing about.

A present theme that persisted during my 3+ months of dealing with back pain was this whole idea of what matters and what doesn’t. I was constantly asking myself this. I made some mental lists, but I also want to keep these ideas in mind. So, here are some of the things on my list – what are some of yours? This will be an ongoing list for me, as I am sure I will continue learning of things to add.

What I think matters: being skinny, looking good, fitting into a smaller jean size

What actually matters: being healthy and fit; doing my best to maintain a healthy lifestyle

 

What I think matters: what people think about me; how people perceive me

What actually matters: what God sees. what He thinks of me. what can I do to please Him and make Him happy? how can I honor Him with my life?

 

What I think matters: working toward the next big promotion at my job

What actually matters: doing my best to work hard in a way that honors and glorifies God. being an example of God’s love to my coworkers. not allowing myself to become cynical and bitter when I don’t get my way or get the accolades I feel I deserve.

 

What I think matters: enjoying life’s luxuries. spending my hard-earned money on things that will make me more comfortable

What actually matters: meeting my most basic needs and using the rest of what God has given me to bless others. realizing that, if we all helped each other, the world truly would be a better place

 

Remember – learning is like healing; it happens over time.  Though it sounds cliche, life truly is a journey, and we are figuring it all out as we go.

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3 thoughts on “As 2012 comes to a close

  1. just wanted to quick comment on your weight/health/perceived “extra around your midsection” and tell you that you are freaking fantastic girl and you look it. always have. 🙂 thanks for sharing your thoughts!

    • awww thanks so much girl!! i have had many years of learning how to dress for my body type;) i do appreciate the compliment!:)

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